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The beauty of the bubble
January 31, 2005
By Don Fernandez
The foam peanut must be seething with envy. • After all, what other piece of packaging inspires such affection? And barely a thumb and forefinger can resist its sweet, stress-relieving, crackling allure. • That's the beauty of the bubble. • "I remember when getting presents wrapped in bubble, I would save that precious gift to savor the feel," said Charles Shackelford Jr. "Now my kids are doing the exact same thing. Bubble Wrap [which is trademarked] transcends all generations." • Since its introduction in the 1960s, Bubble Wrap -- that most ubiquitous of protective packaging -- has become as priceless as the parcel.
POP. POP. POP.
"The act of popping Bubble Wrap is almost like a catharsis, a little indulgence in some small act of destruction that is neither dangerous nor offensive," said Arthur Gallego, vice president of LaForce and Stevens, a marketing and trend firm in New York City. "It's one of those freakishly universal things that we all enjoy doing. It's mindless."
Super War Preview: The Iranian Suicide Bombers vs. The American Crusaders
Everybody's asking me what'll happen if we attack Iran. To get a quick preview, just do what this guy in my eighth-grade class did: put a firecracker in your mouth, hold it between your front teeth, and light the fuse.The remainder – more bilious bad taste – can be found here.
Your friends won't believe you'll go through with it. So when it blows up in your face, you'll expect them to be impressed. And you'll be surprised, just like this guy in junior high was surprised, when all you get is a perforated eardrum and a reputation as the biggest dumbass in the school.
Right now, Bush is standing there with a lit match and a big firecracker labeled "Iran" in his mouth. Except it's more like an M-80 or a whole stick of dynamite than a firecracker. Nobody believes he'll be dumb enough to light it, to actually attack Iran. Even the Iranians don't believe it; Khameini, their head Mullah, said last week "America is in no position to invade Iran."
He's right about that. Even the US Army brass admits we're "overstretched." We don't even have enough troops to control Iraq; a war with Iran would mean calling up every National Guard unit we have. Even then, it would take years to get them combat-ready.
And this time the Brits won't come with us. They've been making that clear, on the quiet. If we go in, it'll be as a coalition of one.
So Khameini's right; we can't attack Iran. But that doesn't mean we won't. Khameini was making the same mistake everybody's been making: assuming Bush and his cronies have a lick of sense.
The best way of guessing what Bush will do is asking, what's the worst thing he could do to America? Whatever it is, that's what he'll do. I think he's been possessed by bin Laden, because everything he's done has been exactly what Al Quaeda hoped for. Right now, bin Laden is praying to Allah that we'll be stupid enough to attack Iran. That would be the cherry on his halal sundae, the one thing that could actually finish us off as a Superpower.
In my "Quagmire Bowl" article I said the Iraq war probably wouldn't be fatal. It's definitely hurt us, but it won't mean the downfall of America. Well, if we invade Iran, that bet is off. All bets are off. People don't realize how fast a Superpower can fall. It only takes one invasion too many.
Napoleon was unstoppable before he invaded Russia. So was Hitler. Now France and Germany are "Old Europe."
Here's the best short analysis I've seen of Bush's "reform" for Social Security. Berry is far from a left-wing critic; he's a widely respected analyst for Bloomberg, the biggest financial news service in the U.S, used by all the major newspapers, brokerage houses and banks.
President George W. Bush's assertions that Social Security faces a crisis and is ``flat bust, bankrupt'' are patently false.
Bush and other administration officials are greatly exaggerating potential problems facing the program to push through changes that would undermine the most successful social insurance program in the nation's history.
The system is so far from crisis or bankruptcy that the truly prudent course at this point most certainly would be to make no changes in Social Security at all. Wait and see if even under conservative assumptions the date at which the system's trust fund would be exhausted keeps receding.
Montana wild, brave and free
Living on government subsidee
The Post: Why do you think bin Laden has not been caught?Quotation via Maruth the Crankpot.
W : Because he's hiding.
Titi BessasIn veritas nomen est omen.
Posted January 8, 2005 10:24 AM
Posted by Morbo
I have a plan that I'm hoping people will embrace. All I want to hear for the next two years out of the mouth of every Democrat is the following:
"Bush and the Republicans plan to abolish Social Security.
Bush and the Republicans plan to abolish Social Security.
Bush and the Republicans plan to abolish Social Security."
I want it brought up every day, at least once, if not 17 times.
I want it brought up at press conferences even when it is not relevant. Example:
Reporter: Senator, do you believe Congress has a role to play in ending steroid abuse in professional sports?
Senator: That's a good question, and I'll get to it in a minute. But first I'd like to say a few words about Bush and the Republicans' plan to abolish Social Security...
Henry: What ya readin', Louette?
Louette (with furrowed brow): It's an article about Bush and the Republicans' plan to abolish Social Security! I'm really worried.
Rap Guy with lots of chains: Yo! Now coz they got them a major-ity, Bush and the Republicans want to abolish Social Secur-ity! We gotta stop them now, And I'll tell ya how (sounds of records scratching)
"CSI: Social Security"
Tough Cop 1: What happened here?
Tough Cop 2: Looks like someone rubbed out Social Security. God, what kind of sick bastards....
Tough Cop 1: (rubs chin, pushes back tough cop hat) Looks like the work of Bush and the Republicans.
Just paint the words "Bush and the Republicans Plan to Abolish Social Security" on a car and push it on the track. The driver can put it on his coats and pants too (and helmet).
And so on.
Lord, they're doing it right out in the open now. There were a dozen candidates for AG, but they deliberately threw up AG for AG in order to stick a finger in the eye of everyone who's said "Abu Ghraib" in public over the past year.And, if a finger in the eye won't do it, they have other ways to make us squirm.
Are you ready to start on your 2005 projects?My immediate thought. "Oh my God, so many!"
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